When's the last time you thought about being good?
We want to teach our children to be good. We want them to learn to do what's right.
Why?
Being good is precious. In fact, it's what gives life meaning.
What makes an athlete try hard? What makes an artist labor to reveal beauty? It's that they have each, in one way or another, seen that they have an opportunity to really, actually be good.
What if rather than thinking about getting things done, we thought about being good? Being really, really good. I'm not here to talk about what it means to be good. We all can feel that out on our own. But we will sure learn fast what it is when we strive for it - long for it.
When I was a kid I felt sometimes such a strong desire to be good. Just for no other reason than it was what was good! It made me feel happy to think about it. I felt in love with the goodness itself.
As we grow up sometimes our standard slips. We put less value in being good. We are told it's impractical.
What a revolutionary thing it would be to fall in love with goodness and live that love every day! What a beautiful life!
Goodness is not just for kids. It's not wimpy. And it's not too hard for us. It may be hard, but it's harder not to be good.
Here are some things I think are good. Maybe you will agree that they are good too. I strive to be them. :)
Honest
Courageous
Creative
Funny
Tough
Gentle
Intelligent
Graceful
Effective
Helpful
Awesome
Calm
Grateful
Obedient
Intuitive
Responsible
Generous
Caring
Forgiving
Patient
Healthy
Strong
Flexible
Beautiful
These things are all awesome things to be! They are good!
What would happen if we let ourselves fall in love with these things? What would happen in we let ourselves really try to be good?
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Longing to Do and Be Good
On the plane yesterday I happened to watch "42", a cinematic telling of the story of the first black Major League Baseball player, Jackie Robinson.
The movie was lovely, I thought, showing in a simple way the great personal sacrifices that Mr. Robinson made, as well as his great virtue.
I'm not writing a film review though. The important thing to me is how it communicated with me. During the flight I had been praying, wanting to feel closer to God, and wanting to feel some direction for this recording project that I am embarking on.
During the movie I found myself adoring the goodness of the the man, Jackie Robinson. I found myself wanting so badly to be good, to do well, to do the very best that I can. In those moments, with tears in my eyes, I felt God talking to me. It's natural to want to do well, in fact, very well. It's natural to want to be beautiful, to do beautiful things, to love beauty and goodness and justice.
Was God talking to me in that movie? Yes, I think so. That feeling of spiritual love, the simple love of goodness and the childlike desire to be involved with it. Yes, yes, yes. That's God, and there He is, right in the middle of my flight from Cleveland to LA. Right on time as I need to feel the love of my work hold beautiful high hopes for my new recording.
This cd is not about me! I am learning more and more that it is simply about the practical effectiveness of the qualities of God. Beauty, insight, poetry, care, gentleness, spiritual defiance - each of these things, felt, changes the life.
So, let us feel our deep natural (SO NATURAL!) desire to do and be good. Let's commit to it and do it at all costs. Let's correct ourselves when we get lazy. Let's remember our heroes and reject the notion that our lives aren't meant for white hot pure goodness.
What can keep us from this? What can keep us from striving, day and night, to be good? To get better and better and better every day such that our lives are works of art?
The movie was lovely, I thought, showing in a simple way the great personal sacrifices that Mr. Robinson made, as well as his great virtue.
I'm not writing a film review though. The important thing to me is how it communicated with me. During the flight I had been praying, wanting to feel closer to God, and wanting to feel some direction for this recording project that I am embarking on.
During the movie I found myself adoring the goodness of the the man, Jackie Robinson. I found myself wanting so badly to be good, to do well, to do the very best that I can. In those moments, with tears in my eyes, I felt God talking to me. It's natural to want to do well, in fact, very well. It's natural to want to be beautiful, to do beautiful things, to love beauty and goodness and justice.
Was God talking to me in that movie? Yes, I think so. That feeling of spiritual love, the simple love of goodness and the childlike desire to be involved with it. Yes, yes, yes. That's God, and there He is, right in the middle of my flight from Cleveland to LA. Right on time as I need to feel the love of my work hold beautiful high hopes for my new recording.
This cd is not about me! I am learning more and more that it is simply about the practical effectiveness of the qualities of God. Beauty, insight, poetry, care, gentleness, spiritual defiance - each of these things, felt, changes the life.
So, let us feel our deep natural (SO NATURAL!) desire to do and be good. Let's commit to it and do it at all costs. Let's correct ourselves when we get lazy. Let's remember our heroes and reject the notion that our lives aren't meant for white hot pure goodness.
What can keep us from this? What can keep us from striving, day and night, to be good? To get better and better and better every day such that our lives are works of art?
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
A Minor Adjustment and a Major Blessing
Recently I received a piece of news that was inconvenient and caused me to have to make some last minute changes that I didn't expect. My first reaction to the news was to be annoyed. I quickly felt a black cloud hanging over me.
Hating that bad feeling, I prayed. I simply asked God how I should respond. Very quickly I had the thought (and feeling) that it would be ok to make the necessary adjustments and though I didn't know exactly what the solution would be, I felt there would be one. The spiritual idea that came with this thought was a simple feeling that I could love God more than I loved the self-righteousness that was making me feel bad to begin with. I felt a little burst of love. I am allowed to do what it takes to keep my heart pure of anger and hate. I really am.
On the heels of that came another comforting thought - "I will be more useful to God as I go where necessity blows me than I will if I remain stiff and self-righteous." THAT was exciting. I love the idea of being useful. So, the deal was sealed. Inwardly I felt, God, let me be useful to you!
Over the next few days, I witnessed it. Because of the adjustments that were made, I found myself in a beautiful conversation with a person I never had had a big conversation with before. He told me how helpful the conversation was, how needed. I could feel that we had connected and that his needs had been met. I thank God!
Others who knew of the adjustments I had made were blessed by them too. The whole thing was surrounded by a feeling of spiritual richness. Compare that with the spiritual poverty of selfishness!
Looking back on it, it's so simple - even mathematical. Subtract self-righteousness and receive the spiritual goodness, being in the right place at the right time, which make the every day life a garden of riches.
How foolish I would have been to stay in my rut. To be stiff and self-righteous. I want so badly to be helpful, to be useful, to be in the right place at the right time. And those are things I cannot force to be. They only happen as I am loose, agile, and pure.
Once again (and again, and again) I am saved by grace, by the presence of the Spirit. How quickly we can be saved from stupidity by a little bit of listening and willingness to do and be good.
Hating that bad feeling, I prayed. I simply asked God how I should respond. Very quickly I had the thought (and feeling) that it would be ok to make the necessary adjustments and though I didn't know exactly what the solution would be, I felt there would be one. The spiritual idea that came with this thought was a simple feeling that I could love God more than I loved the self-righteousness that was making me feel bad to begin with. I felt a little burst of love. I am allowed to do what it takes to keep my heart pure of anger and hate. I really am.
On the heels of that came another comforting thought - "I will be more useful to God as I go where necessity blows me than I will if I remain stiff and self-righteous." THAT was exciting. I love the idea of being useful. So, the deal was sealed. Inwardly I felt, God, let me be useful to you!
Over the next few days, I witnessed it. Because of the adjustments that were made, I found myself in a beautiful conversation with a person I never had had a big conversation with before. He told me how helpful the conversation was, how needed. I could feel that we had connected and that his needs had been met. I thank God!
Others who knew of the adjustments I had made were blessed by them too. The whole thing was surrounded by a feeling of spiritual richness. Compare that with the spiritual poverty of selfishness!
Looking back on it, it's so simple - even mathematical. Subtract self-righteousness and receive the spiritual goodness, being in the right place at the right time, which make the every day life a garden of riches.
How foolish I would have been to stay in my rut. To be stiff and self-righteous. I want so badly to be helpful, to be useful, to be in the right place at the right time. And those are things I cannot force to be. They only happen as I am loose, agile, and pure.
Once again (and again, and again) I am saved by grace, by the presence of the Spirit. How quickly we can be saved from stupidity by a little bit of listening and willingness to do and be good.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
I'm Off To... Liturgical Dance?
Hi everyone! I am just now beginning several months of travel doing concerts and murals, all over the US and a bit in the UK! So, I'm back to the blog to keep you all updated on the cool things that happen, and the unfolding insights and joys that rock my world. Thanks for tuning in.
This morning at the Asilomar Bible Conference I saw a woman (the courageous and expressive Laura LaPoint) do some "liturgical dance". This is a form of worship I have been almost totally unaware of until now. And I have been noticing that the word "liturgical" made me feel like there was something clinical about it, that it wouldn’t be very expressive. But how wrong I was!
In fact, what I found was that I had tears in my eyes because the whole point of this dance was not to be pretty, or perfect, or graceful exactly, but rather, to worship God.Laura explained that the concept of liturgical dance is not about appearance, but rather about accepting all body types, all dance proficiencies, and giving people the opportunity to worship God in the language of dance.
Now, I am all about recognizing that there are lots of languages with which to worship and communicate. In the same way that sometimes body language is more honest than the spoken word, I can see and feel how dance could very well be used to express feelings and convictions that might not be so succinctly expressed in words.
While I watched Laura dance, I could really feel how humble it is, how transparent one must be, in order to get up in front of a congregation and honestly express ones prayer, using the language of movement. In a way, it felt like a challenge to the often heady, intellectual way we often talk about God.
As I considered the many benefits and corners of thought that having dance and movement as part of our sense of communicating with God I wondered this: We are so used to singing together, and that’s just a language – what if we ALL became used to dancing together in our worship? What would that require of us in terms of our willingness to reveal something about ourselves? I could feel almost viscerally how we would have to shed some self consciousnesses that we hold about our bodies.
I could also feel a voice coming up within me, a stiff, complaining voice, that this dance was not dignified. It wasn’t "smart". But really, that was what I was loving about the dance. Communicating with our bodies, in a way can invite us to communicate feeling, not so much intellect, and can enable us to communicate from parts of our being which are often overlooked or not invited to be part of the conversation.
Today I learned about liturgical dance. I think it's a good thing!
And now, for our second hymn, we will all dance together, feeling and sharing our love of God.
This morning at the Asilomar Bible Conference I saw a woman (the courageous and expressive Laura LaPoint) do some "liturgical dance". This is a form of worship I have been almost totally unaware of until now. And I have been noticing that the word "liturgical" made me feel like there was something clinical about it, that it wouldn’t be very expressive. But how wrong I was!
In fact, what I found was that I had tears in my eyes because the whole point of this dance was not to be pretty, or perfect, or graceful exactly, but rather, to worship God.Laura explained that the concept of liturgical dance is not about appearance, but rather about accepting all body types, all dance proficiencies, and giving people the opportunity to worship God in the language of dance.
Now, I am all about recognizing that there are lots of languages with which to worship and communicate. In the same way that sometimes body language is more honest than the spoken word, I can see and feel how dance could very well be used to express feelings and convictions that might not be so succinctly expressed in words.
While I watched Laura dance, I could really feel how humble it is, how transparent one must be, in order to get up in front of a congregation and honestly express ones prayer, using the language of movement. In a way, it felt like a challenge to the often heady, intellectual way we often talk about God.
As I considered the many benefits and corners of thought that having dance and movement as part of our sense of communicating with God I wondered this: We are so used to singing together, and that’s just a language – what if we ALL became used to dancing together in our worship? What would that require of us in terms of our willingness to reveal something about ourselves? I could feel almost viscerally how we would have to shed some self consciousnesses that we hold about our bodies.
I could also feel a voice coming up within me, a stiff, complaining voice, that this dance was not dignified. It wasn’t "smart". But really, that was what I was loving about the dance. Communicating with our bodies, in a way can invite us to communicate feeling, not so much intellect, and can enable us to communicate from parts of our being which are often overlooked or not invited to be part of the conversation.
Today I learned about liturgical dance. I think it's a good thing!
And now, for our second hymn, we will all dance together, feeling and sharing our love of God.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Pure, Innocent Love in the Darkest Places
I have served as a volunteer chaplain at a jail in Boston for 6 years. During that time I have seen, beyond a doubt, that the qualities of God are alive and well, living and being lived in these places which would otherwise be very dark. Lots of people, when they go to jail, find themselves face to face with the mistakes they have made and the problems they have, and want very badly to get past them.
A couple of months ago I was talking with a man, we'll call him William, who had had a very sad life so far. He described being raped at the age of 13, drug abuse, friends lost to murder, and the list truly goes on and on. He was relating to me how now that he is in jail, where he can't get any drugs, all the feelings he had been pushing away by using drugs, are coming out. He speaks sincerely, calmly, soberly.
His basic question to me was, "With all these terrible things that have happened to me, how can I be free from these intense feelings of sadness, loss, and grief?" It is easy to see, when you hear him talk, what an honest, kind man this is. So, I began to speak to him about knowing himself as God's creation, not the creation of a human history. We spoke about knowing ourselves as spiritual creations who are defined, not by what we've done humanly, but by God's love for us. I also mentioned that it is useful, when we feel miserable, to turn outward instead of inward – to seek to love and serve someone else, instead of getting stuck on ourselves.
He seemed to a little confused about what I meant, and said, "Oh, do you mean like this?" He went on to tell me this story, without pride. There is another man in this unit – call him Joe. Joe is older and had really let himself go. He was not taking care of himself – long scraggly hair, not showering, finger and toenails long and curling. He was a mess and obviously unhappy. William, feeling sorry for him, asked Joe if he could help him, clean him up. Joe said no, he didn't want to be touched. Rather than take no for an answer, William tried bargaining. In jail each detainee has their "canteen" which is extra food and supplies that one has to buy using their own, usually very limited, money. William asked Joe if he would let him clean him up, cut his finger and toenails, etc., at the cost of a certain number of food items in his canteen. At this Joe said sure.
When William told me this story, I looked over to the couch and saw Joe there, hair and nails cut, shaved, clean face, and a smile on it too. William said, "Is that what you mean by serving others?" honestly wanting to know if that's what I meant.
Tears nearly rolled from my eyes as I said "Yes, William, that's is just what I'm talking about." I quickly told him also that he was teaching me. That is riches of the heart. To desire so much to do an act of kindness to another that one buys the privilege of cleaning up a messy, smelly, surly brother.
In the following weeks as we do our Bible study it is easy to feel the calm respect that exists between Joe and William. Joe's physical cleanliness (which has been maintained!) is a testament to William's tenderness of heart – the compassion of Christ. Also, where he had been surly, Joe now joins us, timidly asking questions about passages in the Bible.
Jesus counseled us to wash one another's feet. Sometimes we think that is for "saints" to do. Seeing this story play out (and many others like it) has shown me that it isn't. Tender acts of forgiveness, generosity, and mercy are happening anywhere someone is willing. I can't imagine someone with a darker human history than William's. Yet, he has demonstrated, beyond doubting, that darkness and human history cannot overcome the desire to love, and to feel the blessing of loving another.
A couple of months ago I was talking with a man, we'll call him William, who had had a very sad life so far. He described being raped at the age of 13, drug abuse, friends lost to murder, and the list truly goes on and on. He was relating to me how now that he is in jail, where he can't get any drugs, all the feelings he had been pushing away by using drugs, are coming out. He speaks sincerely, calmly, soberly.
His basic question to me was, "With all these terrible things that have happened to me, how can I be free from these intense feelings of sadness, loss, and grief?" It is easy to see, when you hear him talk, what an honest, kind man this is. So, I began to speak to him about knowing himself as God's creation, not the creation of a human history. We spoke about knowing ourselves as spiritual creations who are defined, not by what we've done humanly, but by God's love for us. I also mentioned that it is useful, when we feel miserable, to turn outward instead of inward – to seek to love and serve someone else, instead of getting stuck on ourselves.
He seemed to a little confused about what I meant, and said, "Oh, do you mean like this?" He went on to tell me this story, without pride. There is another man in this unit – call him Joe. Joe is older and had really let himself go. He was not taking care of himself – long scraggly hair, not showering, finger and toenails long and curling. He was a mess and obviously unhappy. William, feeling sorry for him, asked Joe if he could help him, clean him up. Joe said no, he didn't want to be touched. Rather than take no for an answer, William tried bargaining. In jail each detainee has their "canteen" which is extra food and supplies that one has to buy using their own, usually very limited, money. William asked Joe if he would let him clean him up, cut his finger and toenails, etc., at the cost of a certain number of food items in his canteen. At this Joe said sure.
When William told me this story, I looked over to the couch and saw Joe there, hair and nails cut, shaved, clean face, and a smile on it too. William said, "Is that what you mean by serving others?" honestly wanting to know if that's what I meant.
Tears nearly rolled from my eyes as I said "Yes, William, that's is just what I'm talking about." I quickly told him also that he was teaching me. That is riches of the heart. To desire so much to do an act of kindness to another that one buys the privilege of cleaning up a messy, smelly, surly brother.
In the following weeks as we do our Bible study it is easy to feel the calm respect that exists between Joe and William. Joe's physical cleanliness (which has been maintained!) is a testament to William's tenderness of heart – the compassion of Christ. Also, where he had been surly, Joe now joins us, timidly asking questions about passages in the Bible.
Jesus counseled us to wash one another's feet. Sometimes we think that is for "saints" to do. Seeing this story play out (and many others like it) has shown me that it isn't. Tender acts of forgiveness, generosity, and mercy are happening anywhere someone is willing. I can't imagine someone with a darker human history than William's. Yet, he has demonstrated, beyond doubting, that darkness and human history cannot overcome the desire to love, and to feel the blessing of loving another.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Making Friends with Ideas
Several years into my adventure with art I began to make pictures of a man lying on his back. The image came to me the way images most often do. The images simply comes into thought, or even feels its way into my thought. A good image comes with a feeling of fascination or love or deep meaning. Very often the image comes without my really understanding why I should make it, but with a feeling that I should.
This is what happened with this image of the man lying on his back. When it first came into my thought it came with a feeling of such love and depth that I immediately began to follow that path. Usually when this happens, I explore the image for a while, make a few paintings to figure out what it is and what it means – to learn what it has come to tell me. Then after a while it usually transforms into a different idea or peters out and a new idea takes its place.
In this case, however, the image became stronger and stronger to me as I worked on it. My fascination with it grew and my desire to explore it was undiminished. After a year I found myself just as in love with this image as I was when it first came. In that time though, I had discovered some of its identity. It told me some stories about itself, what it meant, and what it was saying. The paintings continued to come out. For another year, and then another, and even another! It was so clear to me that he was teaching me about things very spiritual - things that were beyond my knowledge. He didn’t come speaking in words, but just in feelings and ideas. And those were things I could understand way down deep.
For about 4 years I worked with this image. The man lying on his back became to me the sleeper, the dreamer, the soul, the innocent – on and on! My understanding and love for him grew. At one point I was struck by the fact that I was having a relationship with an idea. This idea had come unsolicited. Then, when I was interested in it and explored, the idea shared new ideas with me. There was back and forth, like a conversation.
This was like a bolt of lightning. Don't friends need to be… people? But here, I have a friend and it is not a person. It is an idea. From this friendship I am being made stronger, more sensitive. My life is richer for it. I feel actual real love because of it. Yet, this is relationship is not with a person.
But, as I let the idea unfold in me further, I came to the resolution that made me thank God. It was this: in fact, all my friendships are with ideas! There is not a difference between my friendship with this idea and my friendship with a person! I am simply surrounded by ideas. My interaction with ideas is what creates my life, gives me joy, causes me to progress.
So, the gift of the man lying on his back is a spiritual gift from the Infinite Good just as are my many friendships with people. They all are surprising to me. They all cause me to grow, force me to get better, show me my need of God, show me His glory, color, fascination.
We are surrounded by ideas!
Friday, January 18, 2013
How Can We Be Made New?
In order to live our way successfully from the now into the next we must conceive of ourselves as being on a journey. We must see ourselves as being on a robust and demanding road that leads from what we have known, into what we don't yet know.
Certainly, if any of us were setting out on a trip like this we would want to bring with us all the best tools. We would bring appropriate clothing, supplies, food, money – all the things we could think of. And in this metaphor that means bringing with us all the best ideas we have. Best practices, best spiritual insights, best models of behavior, best qualities.
The wonderful thing about being on a journey with God is that in addition to all the tools we bring with us, God is always giving us brand new tools that fit perfectly with the needs we encounter along the way. The Bible quotes God as saying "Behold, I make all things new". We must be willing to accept that new ideas will come to us, and they will be God's provision for our journey.
As a kid growing up in a Christian Science Sunday School I didn't relate to the music in church. It wasn't speaking a language I understood. I couldn't get anything from it. (Thankfully, as an adult I have come to see and feel its goodness and utility much, much more!) So, several years ago it was a deep delight (and surprise!) to me, to find that my creative world was revealing to me that I could create music that would speak about the deepest and best spiritual ideas I knew of, AND include the best, most expressive musical and poetic ideas I could arrive at. It was a revelation. Just as language evolves naturally over time so must our expressions of church and spirituality.
I have come to see that this is not a choice. It is God who makes all things new. It is not we who get to choose whether or not to make one or two things new. It is God who makes them ALL new.
When I began making this music I thought, like everyone else who heard it, that it would be the youth who would most get into it. But, in the following years of performances it was fascinating to see that what was really happening was very different. In fact, the most powerful responses that I have come across have been from an older group of folks who were LONGING (and some didn’t even know it!) for the beloved ideas of the Bible to be expressed in a new way. It has been moving to me to see and feel the way this music has found some people – like water in a parched land. The journey began with one thought, but revealed a different success along the way.
One of the realities of being an artist is that you have an idea you know is good, and then you have to show others why it's good. Sometimes people think it's actually bad, only because it is new! Anyone bringing a heartfelt new idea sometimes finds themselves in that case. But it's good because it causes us all to be patient and demonstrate new love for our ideas, willingness to stand for what we truly believe in, and learn unselfishness.
How do we know which new ideas will be useful and which won't? We can only do our best. Just as in music there are songs we remember from decades past, and countless others we don't. Mary Baker Eddy says that "sincerity is more successful than genius or talent." We must be sincere, and sacrifice ego and opinion for the sake of recognizing the new, holy ideas that God is providing.
Certainly, if any of us were setting out on a trip like this we would want to bring with us all the best tools. We would bring appropriate clothing, supplies, food, money – all the things we could think of. And in this metaphor that means bringing with us all the best ideas we have. Best practices, best spiritual insights, best models of behavior, best qualities.
The wonderful thing about being on a journey with God is that in addition to all the tools we bring with us, God is always giving us brand new tools that fit perfectly with the needs we encounter along the way. The Bible quotes God as saying "Behold, I make all things new". We must be willing to accept that new ideas will come to us, and they will be God's provision for our journey.
As a kid growing up in a Christian Science Sunday School I didn't relate to the music in church. It wasn't speaking a language I understood. I couldn't get anything from it. (Thankfully, as an adult I have come to see and feel its goodness and utility much, much more!) So, several years ago it was a deep delight (and surprise!) to me, to find that my creative world was revealing to me that I could create music that would speak about the deepest and best spiritual ideas I knew of, AND include the best, most expressive musical and poetic ideas I could arrive at. It was a revelation. Just as language evolves naturally over time so must our expressions of church and spirituality.
I have come to see that this is not a choice. It is God who makes all things new. It is not we who get to choose whether or not to make one or two things new. It is God who makes them ALL new.
When I began making this music I thought, like everyone else who heard it, that it would be the youth who would most get into it. But, in the following years of performances it was fascinating to see that what was really happening was very different. In fact, the most powerful responses that I have come across have been from an older group of folks who were LONGING (and some didn’t even know it!) for the beloved ideas of the Bible to be expressed in a new way. It has been moving to me to see and feel the way this music has found some people – like water in a parched land. The journey began with one thought, but revealed a different success along the way.
One of the realities of being an artist is that you have an idea you know is good, and then you have to show others why it's good. Sometimes people think it's actually bad, only because it is new! Anyone bringing a heartfelt new idea sometimes finds themselves in that case. But it's good because it causes us all to be patient and demonstrate new love for our ideas, willingness to stand for what we truly believe in, and learn unselfishness.
How do we know which new ideas will be useful and which won't? We can only do our best. Just as in music there are songs we remember from decades past, and countless others we don't. Mary Baker Eddy says that "sincerity is more successful than genius or talent." We must be sincere, and sacrifice ego and opinion for the sake of recognizing the new, holy ideas that God is providing.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
How Can I Feel Connected With God When I Don't Feel Connected With God?!
In my mind the answer to this question is simple, but not necessarily easy. The simple answer is to take up your cross, as all Christians have been directed to do, and deny yourself. Simple, but not necessarily easy.
But, denying ourselves should become a normal, very normal, activity. "Self" has come to mean to me, any voice or impulsion I hear in my head or heart, that makes me think of my being as a separate self. It's this sense of life that makes us do and feel all the bad things we do and feel – fear, hatred, greed, loathing, shyness, lust… the list goes on and on.
So, to deny yourself doesn’t mean to keep yourself from doing things you love, or from having good, it just means denying the inclination to think of your being as a separate self – apart from the Whole.
The feeling of being unconnected with God is an outcome of indulging the materialistic inclination to conceive of ourselves as separate, distinct beings, existing somehow apart from the Whole, or God. So, Jesus counsel to us to "deny" ourselves, does not mean what we are often led to believe it means. It is simply to deny in our hearts this inclination that we have to believe that we are meaningless, separate things, wandering around a Loveless universe.
A big part of the problem here is believing that how we "feel" is what tells us who we are. For example, if I feel separate from God, then I am separate from God. However, my experience with feeling and prayer is that I don't have to live with a feeling that is not progressive. We get so used to thinking that our feelings are us, that we begin to find it impossible to defy them. We believe that they rule us. This is a basic problem and to reverse it we have to go to the root of it. Our passing, human feelings are not us.
Denying our "selves", though at first blush seems to be a very uncomfortable activity, and maybe very hard, in fact, yields a much more consistent sense of happiness, security, and meaning. To me it is taking the blockage off of the naturally flowing spring of good ideas, happiness, and inspiration that is flowing right out of the middle of each one of us. We can't just deny self and stop there. We have to reach out to goodness, to God, to the Whole.
Today as I was working to deny myself with regards to an interpersonal thing that has been hurting me I remembered this story:
A donkey fell to the bottom of a deep pit a man was digging for a well. When the man saw that this had happened he was very sorry and sad because he saw no way to get the donkey out. The hole was too deep and the donkey too heavy. He could think of nothing to do but fill in the hole and start over. The unfortunate donkey would die.
But, as the man began to throw shovel-full after shovel-full of dirt down the well he soon had a smile on his face. He watched as the dirt fell down the hole and landed on the donkey's back. Each time this happened, the donkey shook the dirt off his back and it feel to the ground beneath him. With each and every shovel-full of dirt that was hurled down the hole, the donkey shook it off, and little by little the hole began to fill in under him. After much labor by the man, and much patient dirt-shaking by the donkey, the hole became so shallow that the donkey climbed up and out of it.
So it is with us. The world, our feelings, our swirling thoughts of fear and spite and dislike all throw dirt down on us, and we feel as though we were at the bottom of a dark pit, and that our fate has been decided for us. But, it is not so. Each and every time we shake off the dirt, again and again – each time we throw off those feelings and instead reach out to God, goodness, unselfishness, we are transformed, and we are naturally lifted out of the hole.
As we do this, the whole assumption of self, which seems so normal to us, is little by little washed away. We are less easily hurt. We have more buoyancy. We are less easily convinced that we could be separate from God, good.
But, denying ourselves should become a normal, very normal, activity. "Self" has come to mean to me, any voice or impulsion I hear in my head or heart, that makes me think of my being as a separate self. It's this sense of life that makes us do and feel all the bad things we do and feel – fear, hatred, greed, loathing, shyness, lust… the list goes on and on.
So, to deny yourself doesn’t mean to keep yourself from doing things you love, or from having good, it just means denying the inclination to think of your being as a separate self – apart from the Whole.
The feeling of being unconnected with God is an outcome of indulging the materialistic inclination to conceive of ourselves as separate, distinct beings, existing somehow apart from the Whole, or God. So, Jesus counsel to us to "deny" ourselves, does not mean what we are often led to believe it means. It is simply to deny in our hearts this inclination that we have to believe that we are meaningless, separate things, wandering around a Loveless universe.
A big part of the problem here is believing that how we "feel" is what tells us who we are. For example, if I feel separate from God, then I am separate from God. However, my experience with feeling and prayer is that I don't have to live with a feeling that is not progressive. We get so used to thinking that our feelings are us, that we begin to find it impossible to defy them. We believe that they rule us. This is a basic problem and to reverse it we have to go to the root of it. Our passing, human feelings are not us.
Denying our "selves", though at first blush seems to be a very uncomfortable activity, and maybe very hard, in fact, yields a much more consistent sense of happiness, security, and meaning. To me it is taking the blockage off of the naturally flowing spring of good ideas, happiness, and inspiration that is flowing right out of the middle of each one of us. We can't just deny self and stop there. We have to reach out to goodness, to God, to the Whole.
Today as I was working to deny myself with regards to an interpersonal thing that has been hurting me I remembered this story:
A donkey fell to the bottom of a deep pit a man was digging for a well. When the man saw that this had happened he was very sorry and sad because he saw no way to get the donkey out. The hole was too deep and the donkey too heavy. He could think of nothing to do but fill in the hole and start over. The unfortunate donkey would die.
But, as the man began to throw shovel-full after shovel-full of dirt down the well he soon had a smile on his face. He watched as the dirt fell down the hole and landed on the donkey's back. Each time this happened, the donkey shook the dirt off his back and it feel to the ground beneath him. With each and every shovel-full of dirt that was hurled down the hole, the donkey shook it off, and little by little the hole began to fill in under him. After much labor by the man, and much patient dirt-shaking by the donkey, the hole became so shallow that the donkey climbed up and out of it.
So it is with us. The world, our feelings, our swirling thoughts of fear and spite and dislike all throw dirt down on us, and we feel as though we were at the bottom of a dark pit, and that our fate has been decided for us. But, it is not so. Each and every time we shake off the dirt, again and again – each time we throw off those feelings and instead reach out to God, goodness, unselfishness, we are transformed, and we are naturally lifted out of the hole.
As we do this, the whole assumption of self, which seems so normal to us, is little by little washed away. We are less easily hurt. We have more buoyancy. We are less easily convinced that we could be separate from God, good.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Usefulness
When I look in my heart I see that one of the strongest desires I feel – maybe the strongest – is to be useful. I want to feel that I am playing a part in existence. I have found over the years that this desire can be fulfilled in lots of ways. Sometimes it is by serving someone, or working on a project with others. When I see that we are making progress on something that will help someone else, I feel useful. But, sometimes I see that desire being fulfilled when I am making art, or writing a song, or even simply walking around my neighborhood.
The one constant between all those activities is a feeling of engagement in something real. It isn't always something that has to do with others. But it is always something that is engaged with an idea that feels real. I speculate that the reason I want to feel useful, is maybe an even deeper desire to feel real. Maybe an existential desire to have the reality of my being substantiated.
On the other side of the coin, some of the worst times are times when I have not felt useful. That feeling has been so oppressive sometimes that I have thought long and hard about how to alleviate it.
One interesting thing is that, just like loneliness can't be quenched with endless socializing, the desire for usefulness can't be quenched with jobs and work. I have learned that, at least for myself, I feel the best, not when I am seeking work to do, but when I am digging deep in thought, striving to hear what my life is telling me to do at the deepest levels.
Surely there is endless work out there that we can do to be useful in the world. But it seems we have an innate desire to do the work that is right for us to be doing. We want to have a sense that our existence isn't arbitrary, and instead that our skills and inclinations are pointing somewhere.
I began to have the sense that I could avoid that feeling of uselessness, not by filling my life with activities, but rather, by thinking and feeling as deeply as I could about the usefulness of life. And then those thoughts and feelings were so real-feeling that I began to see that just doing that was useful.
These days if ever I am feeling useless or disengaged, I try to engage my thoughts in the deep things of life. I pray and engage with depth, to push out that empty feeling.
Then, very often (and always if I stick with it) those thoughts and explorations of depth open into what I think of as spiritual reality. I find myself having new ideas that I have never had before. I find myself exploring and listening to new inspirations. These always lead to further engagement in real life – both in thought, and in the world. And the work is never done!
The one constant between all those activities is a feeling of engagement in something real. It isn't always something that has to do with others. But it is always something that is engaged with an idea that feels real. I speculate that the reason I want to feel useful, is maybe an even deeper desire to feel real. Maybe an existential desire to have the reality of my being substantiated.
On the other side of the coin, some of the worst times are times when I have not felt useful. That feeling has been so oppressive sometimes that I have thought long and hard about how to alleviate it.
One interesting thing is that, just like loneliness can't be quenched with endless socializing, the desire for usefulness can't be quenched with jobs and work. I have learned that, at least for myself, I feel the best, not when I am seeking work to do, but when I am digging deep in thought, striving to hear what my life is telling me to do at the deepest levels.
Surely there is endless work out there that we can do to be useful in the world. But it seems we have an innate desire to do the work that is right for us to be doing. We want to have a sense that our existence isn't arbitrary, and instead that our skills and inclinations are pointing somewhere.
I began to have the sense that I could avoid that feeling of uselessness, not by filling my life with activities, but rather, by thinking and feeling as deeply as I could about the usefulness of life. And then those thoughts and feelings were so real-feeling that I began to see that just doing that was useful.
These days if ever I am feeling useless or disengaged, I try to engage my thoughts in the deep things of life. I pray and engage with depth, to push out that empty feeling.
Then, very often (and always if I stick with it) those thoughts and explorations of depth open into what I think of as spiritual reality. I find myself having new ideas that I have never had before. I find myself exploring and listening to new inspirations. These always lead to further engagement in real life – both in thought, and in the world. And the work is never done!
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Is Your Life A Mess?
Is your life a mess?
Has it ever been?
I hope so.
I'm talking about break-ups, mistakes, upheavals, problems, bad decisions, and all the rest of the dramas and difficulties.
Messiness makes us learn. It opens up places in us that we likely wouldn't have explored if things hadn't gotten so messy.
Why am I bringing this up? Because I observe a fear in the world that sometimes creeps into us – a fear of being messy. I want to expose and talk about this fear because it is so dangerous to health and happiness.
This fear draws our attention away from the things it should be on – learning, growing, living deeply, and puts it on appearances. The longer we indulge this fear, the less likely we are to try something new, be willing to learn, or admit a mistake. Ultimately, the fear of being messy causes us to become rigid and cease to progress.
Messes happen in our lives when we encounter the results of a bad decision or false assumption. The only way to really avoid messes is to be perfect. But, of course, humans do make mistakes and have false assumptions. They are not perfect. In fact, the only way to become more perfect, is to reveal the perfection of God within.
Messes are great for that! Often messes are so uncomfortable that they force us to be honest with ourselves in ways we never thought we could. That honesty is great for revealing God's goodness in us. Messes are the mistake revealing itself, and our opportunity to correct them. They are nothing to fear! We serve ourselves (and others!) so much better when we cease to care about appearances, and instead, are only interested in learning our mistake and fixing it.
The danger is when we are so afraid of being messy, or appearing messy, that we would rather not learn about the mistake. Then we put off honesty, we delay integrity, and we pay for it later. The sensibility that fears a mess is actually a frame of mind that subtly assumes that life is material – that what you see is what you get. This mindset feels safe in its situation, and wants to keep things how they are - at the expense of growth and humility. But, that materialistic mindset is not safe in its situation. Sooner or later, that deferred honesty, the delayed integrity erupts in the life and creates a much larger mess than it would have been had it been addressed in the first place.
The kind of honesty that saves us from this holds the bar high. It's not always easy. In fact, the only way to truly not fear these messes erupting in our lives is to feel more of God's consistency and goodness as the real constants in our lives.
Certainly messes for their own sake are useless. And once we have learned a particular lesson, there is no reason to have to learn it again. But, if my life is to be one of continued learning, then I am sure to continue to make mistakes as the things I am learning become more advanced and subtle. In short, a life well-lived will be full of mistakes! It will also be much more full of good decisions, victories, and powerful living that is based on all the insights gained through resolving problems and cleaning up messes. The outward messes become less and less scary because through our living we learn that our home, our security is not so much in our outward situation, but in our unchanging connection to God.
Is a mess-less life the Christian ideal? Absolutely not. Outwardly Jesus Christ had a messy life. He was consistently in conflict with others. He was in trouble with the law and had pretty pronounced conflicts with members of his family and community. What about other heroes? Any one worth his or her salt had messes. Probably some big ones. Jesus said "I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." I understand this to mean that Jesus calls us to follow him, and that in doing so, our messes will be revealed, and cleaned up. Not that we will just BE mess-less!
Living the ideals of Christianity (love, spirituality, forgiveness, purity, courage, etc.) cleanses our lives of the causes of messes – selfishness, dishonesty, fear. But the process of living those ideals is very often not a smooth road. And that's just fine.
Let's be honest with ourselves! The Bible tells us over and over that the effect of God is to overturn all that is wrong. Christ says "I am not come to bring peace to the earth, but a sword." We have nothing to fear from God, Love, though God's action in our lives is sometimes to overturn our wrong assumptions and mistakes. It is always for our own good, and brings healing and peace much faster than any other approach to life. We must admit our mistakes and correct them. We must humbly accept the chastening that life brings to us, and work our way through it, becoming better. This is the way that we most quickly pass through them, learn the lessons of life and love, and never return to those messes. Then, we are ever onward to new and greater labors and loves.
Has it ever been?
I hope so.
I'm talking about break-ups, mistakes, upheavals, problems, bad decisions, and all the rest of the dramas and difficulties.
Messiness makes us learn. It opens up places in us that we likely wouldn't have explored if things hadn't gotten so messy.
Why am I bringing this up? Because I observe a fear in the world that sometimes creeps into us – a fear of being messy. I want to expose and talk about this fear because it is so dangerous to health and happiness.
This fear draws our attention away from the things it should be on – learning, growing, living deeply, and puts it on appearances. The longer we indulge this fear, the less likely we are to try something new, be willing to learn, or admit a mistake. Ultimately, the fear of being messy causes us to become rigid and cease to progress.
Messes happen in our lives when we encounter the results of a bad decision or false assumption. The only way to really avoid messes is to be perfect. But, of course, humans do make mistakes and have false assumptions. They are not perfect. In fact, the only way to become more perfect, is to reveal the perfection of God within.
Messes are great for that! Often messes are so uncomfortable that they force us to be honest with ourselves in ways we never thought we could. That honesty is great for revealing God's goodness in us. Messes are the mistake revealing itself, and our opportunity to correct them. They are nothing to fear! We serve ourselves (and others!) so much better when we cease to care about appearances, and instead, are only interested in learning our mistake and fixing it.
The danger is when we are so afraid of being messy, or appearing messy, that we would rather not learn about the mistake. Then we put off honesty, we delay integrity, and we pay for it later. The sensibility that fears a mess is actually a frame of mind that subtly assumes that life is material – that what you see is what you get. This mindset feels safe in its situation, and wants to keep things how they are - at the expense of growth and humility. But, that materialistic mindset is not safe in its situation. Sooner or later, that deferred honesty, the delayed integrity erupts in the life and creates a much larger mess than it would have been had it been addressed in the first place.
The kind of honesty that saves us from this holds the bar high. It's not always easy. In fact, the only way to truly not fear these messes erupting in our lives is to feel more of God's consistency and goodness as the real constants in our lives.
Certainly messes for their own sake are useless. And once we have learned a particular lesson, there is no reason to have to learn it again. But, if my life is to be one of continued learning, then I am sure to continue to make mistakes as the things I am learning become more advanced and subtle. In short, a life well-lived will be full of mistakes! It will also be much more full of good decisions, victories, and powerful living that is based on all the insights gained through resolving problems and cleaning up messes. The outward messes become less and less scary because through our living we learn that our home, our security is not so much in our outward situation, but in our unchanging connection to God.
Is a mess-less life the Christian ideal? Absolutely not. Outwardly Jesus Christ had a messy life. He was consistently in conflict with others. He was in trouble with the law and had pretty pronounced conflicts with members of his family and community. What about other heroes? Any one worth his or her salt had messes. Probably some big ones. Jesus said "I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." I understand this to mean that Jesus calls us to follow him, and that in doing so, our messes will be revealed, and cleaned up. Not that we will just BE mess-less!
Living the ideals of Christianity (love, spirituality, forgiveness, purity, courage, etc.) cleanses our lives of the causes of messes – selfishness, dishonesty, fear. But the process of living those ideals is very often not a smooth road. And that's just fine.
Let's be honest with ourselves! The Bible tells us over and over that the effect of God is to overturn all that is wrong. Christ says "I am not come to bring peace to the earth, but a sword." We have nothing to fear from God, Love, though God's action in our lives is sometimes to overturn our wrong assumptions and mistakes. It is always for our own good, and brings healing and peace much faster than any other approach to life. We must admit our mistakes and correct them. We must humbly accept the chastening that life brings to us, and work our way through it, becoming better. This is the way that we most quickly pass through them, learn the lessons of life and love, and never return to those messes. Then, we are ever onward to new and greater labors and loves.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Each One Will Carry His Own Load
This idea of each one carrying his own load bears continues to be interesting to me. Not least because it is a thought that we don't hear very much at all.
The assumed virtue (and it's great and right) is to help others. It's what we hear about, and what we first feel is the good, admirable thing to do. It's what we are taught to do as children, and what we are admired for as adults. And we certainly could stand to do more of it.
Still, Each one will carry his own load. (Galatians 6:5) I have certainly had problems, confusions, hurts, that I have tried to solve or understand by talking with friends, or through the help of friends, but which, it became clear, they were not able to solve, or even help solve. I had to solve them alone with God.
This was a big lesson! I was learning that I had to carry my own load.
This describes a big idea. Each one of us, in being alive, has a responsibility. Our responsibility is to do well, be useful, feel good, understand and feel meaning in our lives. We begin to see that these things are our responsibility when we see how terrible we feel if we don't do these things! At the beginning it seems as though we can successfully travel this road simply with help from those around us. But after some time it becomes clear that we need something a whole lot more powerful than that. The temptations become too strong, the dangers too severe. Then, we begin to realize that each of us has work to do – spiritual work, alone with God. It is work of learning to be courageous. Learning to be less selfish. Learning to trust in goodness for the sake of goodness. Sometimes these things feel so counterintuitive, so difficult, that we are amazed at the sheer amount of work we have to do. Still, there it is before us!
At one point in my life I might have seen this statement that "each one will carry his own load" as a cold notion. I might have read it as anti-social or even anti-community. I might have wondered why the author was so severe in his statement of what virtue was.
But, these days, I feel so comforted by biblical statements like this one. They are not pronouncements of what is or isn’t virtuous. They are statements of the lay of the land. They are the news from the front. Letters home from scouts and travelers who have been to a land I haven’t been to. They are the map through the wilderness. And they are infinitely kind. Not because they say things that are sweet, but because they tell the truth.
The assumed virtue (and it's great and right) is to help others. It's what we hear about, and what we first feel is the good, admirable thing to do. It's what we are taught to do as children, and what we are admired for as adults. And we certainly could stand to do more of it.
Still, Each one will carry his own load. (Galatians 6:5) I have certainly had problems, confusions, hurts, that I have tried to solve or understand by talking with friends, or through the help of friends, but which, it became clear, they were not able to solve, or even help solve. I had to solve them alone with God.
This was a big lesson! I was learning that I had to carry my own load.
This describes a big idea. Each one of us, in being alive, has a responsibility. Our responsibility is to do well, be useful, feel good, understand and feel meaning in our lives. We begin to see that these things are our responsibility when we see how terrible we feel if we don't do these things! At the beginning it seems as though we can successfully travel this road simply with help from those around us. But after some time it becomes clear that we need something a whole lot more powerful than that. The temptations become too strong, the dangers too severe. Then, we begin to realize that each of us has work to do – spiritual work, alone with God. It is work of learning to be courageous. Learning to be less selfish. Learning to trust in goodness for the sake of goodness. Sometimes these things feel so counterintuitive, so difficult, that we are amazed at the sheer amount of work we have to do. Still, there it is before us!
At one point in my life I might have seen this statement that "each one will carry his own load" as a cold notion. I might have read it as anti-social or even anti-community. I might have wondered why the author was so severe in his statement of what virtue was.
But, these days, I feel so comforted by biblical statements like this one. They are not pronouncements of what is or isn’t virtuous. They are statements of the lay of the land. They are the news from the front. Letters home from scouts and travelers who have been to a land I haven’t been to. They are the map through the wilderness. And they are infinitely kind. Not because they say things that are sweet, but because they tell the truth.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Yes at both ends of the spectrum
Hi there friends.
I have lots of great photos to share with you of recent adventures as well as the surprising and hard-fought outcome of the mural I began in my last blog.
However, I am not in a place where I can get photos on my computer onto this internet. So, we will have to wait. Alas.
But in the meantime, there are lots of other things to think about.
For example, this, in Galatians 6:2.
"Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ."
This is one that has felt very natural to me over the years. Even if don't always succeed at it, at the very least it is natural to understand. Duh, it's right and good to help other folks out when they are hurting, lost, or have great need.
But then, 2 verses later we read
"But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load."
This stopped me in my tracks recently. Each one shall bear his own load. This is not a sentiment we hear very often. Or if we do, we hear it as the voice of selfishness – someone who doesn't want to help out another. But in this context it seems to be stating a fact. A spiritual fact or law. Upon considering it, it meant to me that there is a law that each one of us has work to do that no one else is able to do.
I have come to love parts in the bible where seemingly opposite ideas must exist side by side. "Bear one another's burdens…" "Each one shall bear his own load". Because they are so close to one another it's obvious that the author wants us to notice that these very different pieces of counsel are both necessary.
It's just like when in the gospels Jesus counsels us not to judge, but later says "When you judge, judge righteous judgment".
In each case, both sides express a true, virtuous, and accurate idea. Opposites!
I knew a very talented storyteller named Brother Blue. He had been to Harvard and Yale, but made his name as a storyteller and became known as "The Father of New England Storytelling". The first time I heard him tell a story he lit my heart on fire. I bring him up because, he would often expound on the process of telling a good story, and one if his favorite things to say was "The human mind can't do it!" And then he would describe how he recognized his absolute need of ideas and inspiration that came from beyond him.
This is relevant because the human mind balks at being instructed to bear one another's burdens, but that each one will carry his own load – all in one breath. It seems to me they are coupled together like that to make the human mind get out of the way, and instead recognize our need for inspiration and guidance that are beyond our own limitations.
Is right to bear another's burden? Yes! Is it true that each one will carry his own load? Yes!
I have lots of great photos to share with you of recent adventures as well as the surprising and hard-fought outcome of the mural I began in my last blog.
However, I am not in a place where I can get photos on my computer onto this internet. So, we will have to wait. Alas.
But in the meantime, there are lots of other things to think about.
For example, this, in Galatians 6:2.
"Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ."
This is one that has felt very natural to me over the years. Even if don't always succeed at it, at the very least it is natural to understand. Duh, it's right and good to help other folks out when they are hurting, lost, or have great need.
But then, 2 verses later we read
"But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load."
This stopped me in my tracks recently. Each one shall bear his own load. This is not a sentiment we hear very often. Or if we do, we hear it as the voice of selfishness – someone who doesn't want to help out another. But in this context it seems to be stating a fact. A spiritual fact or law. Upon considering it, it meant to me that there is a law that each one of us has work to do that no one else is able to do.
I have come to love parts in the bible where seemingly opposite ideas must exist side by side. "Bear one another's burdens…" "Each one shall bear his own load". Because they are so close to one another it's obvious that the author wants us to notice that these very different pieces of counsel are both necessary.
It's just like when in the gospels Jesus counsels us not to judge, but later says "When you judge, judge righteous judgment".
In each case, both sides express a true, virtuous, and accurate idea. Opposites!
I knew a very talented storyteller named Brother Blue. He had been to Harvard and Yale, but made his name as a storyteller and became known as "The Father of New England Storytelling". The first time I heard him tell a story he lit my heart on fire. I bring him up because, he would often expound on the process of telling a good story, and one if his favorite things to say was "The human mind can't do it!" And then he would describe how he recognized his absolute need of ideas and inspiration that came from beyond him.
This is relevant because the human mind balks at being instructed to bear one another's burdens, but that each one will carry his own load – all in one breath. It seems to me they are coupled together like that to make the human mind get out of the way, and instead recognize our need for inspiration and guidance that are beyond our own limitations.
Is right to bear another's burden? Yes! Is it true that each one will carry his own load? Yes!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Wrestling with a new mural
I started a new mural today. It is meant to be a neighborhood scene, but where all the buildings are different places of worship. Kind of an interfaith neighborhood. The mural is for a facility that is supported by a diverse group of faith communities, so not only is it an interesting idea to communicate, it's also very heartfelt for the space.
So, I began painting at at about 10 this morning - working out the design on the wall as I normally do. I laid out the buildings and the people in a drawing of light green paint. I had a few things in mind as I played around with the images. I knew I wanted it to be loose. Not realistically rendered buildings, but rather, like I would draw in my sketchbook - fanciful, off balance. I also wanted the colors to be rich. My idea was to express the depth and beauty of faith through the richness and beauty of the color combinations in the rendering of these churches and temples. That's something I could feel. I was very excited to pour my own love of God, and church into my care for this mural.
An interesting lesson grew out of this!
I found, after making the initial drawing, that I was lost as to how to proceed. I kept trying things, adding colors, but it all seemed so very lame. I worked and worked for several hours and it all seemed to be a mockery of what I had been dreaming of making. In fact, because I was trying to express something so precious, it was especially uncomfortable to think of failing. Everything I did was coming out so dumb!
It wasn't until about 4 in the afternoon, after I had been working on it for about 6 hours straight that some things began to fall into place. At that point I began to feel a unity to the colors. Part I had gone over several times with different colors began to make sense. I started to have a vision of how to proceed. I worked for a couple more hours and left for the day.
The lesson to me was to think of all the times I feel lost or adrift in my life. There had been 6 straight hours of work today that I had been pushing forward, trying new things - all the while putting off thoughts that were telling me it wouldn't work, or that the idea wasn't good enough, or it didn't even matter and it was alright that it would be 2nd rate. Hah!
Finally, things began to come into view. Thank God! So now, it is nowhere near finished, but at least it is cracked open. I believe in it now. I know it can work.
I have till Friday afternoon to make it perfect!
So, I began painting at at about 10 this morning - working out the design on the wall as I normally do. I laid out the buildings and the people in a drawing of light green paint. I had a few things in mind as I played around with the images. I knew I wanted it to be loose. Not realistically rendered buildings, but rather, like I would draw in my sketchbook - fanciful, off balance. I also wanted the colors to be rich. My idea was to express the depth and beauty of faith through the richness and beauty of the color combinations in the rendering of these churches and temples. That's something I could feel. I was very excited to pour my own love of God, and church into my care for this mural.
An interesting lesson grew out of this!
I found, after making the initial drawing, that I was lost as to how to proceed. I kept trying things, adding colors, but it all seemed so very lame. I worked and worked for several hours and it all seemed to be a mockery of what I had been dreaming of making. In fact, because I was trying to express something so precious, it was especially uncomfortable to think of failing. Everything I did was coming out so dumb!
It wasn't until about 4 in the afternoon, after I had been working on it for about 6 hours straight that some things began to fall into place. At that point I began to feel a unity to the colors. Part I had gone over several times with different colors began to make sense. I started to have a vision of how to proceed. I worked for a couple more hours and left for the day.
The lesson to me was to think of all the times I feel lost or adrift in my life. There had been 6 straight hours of work today that I had been pushing forward, trying new things - all the while putting off thoughts that were telling me it wouldn't work, or that the idea wasn't good enough, or it didn't even matter and it was alright that it would be 2nd rate. Hah!
Finally, things began to come into view. Thank God! So now, it is nowhere near finished, but at least it is cracked open. I believe in it now. I know it can work.
I have till Friday afternoon to make it perfect!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
The Almighty Update
Hi all. I'm in Florida where it is so hot.
And actually, tomorrow I'm flying to Houston which I don't expect to be icy cool.
One of my favorite things about tours (mine anyway - I don't bet U2's tours are like this) is that dates get picked up along the way. I love to see that the journey itself is alive and that it makes itself up as I go along.
Here is a list of the places I have stayed so far:
1) A huge mansion in Germantown, Philadelphia, PA, with Zach and Corrie and a bunch of other nice people. They served a gorgeous dinner of angel hair pasta with cod right when we arrived. Got to see Zach and Corrie perform too. They are awesome.
2) With Ashley in her apartment in DC. It was in flux and had things piled up to the ceiling. Played a wee little concert in DC and then sang a falsetto solo at a church in DC the following day. Went to the glorious national botanic gardens. Behold the orchids the Lord hath made!
3)With Jodi and Greg and their sons Ian and Jareth in Oakton, VA. We watched Dr. Who and made some enormous soap bubbles. Also played one of the most fun house concerts of my whole life. You know when the audience is just like a sports car and we can turn on a dime and go right where we need to?
4) With Nina in Spanish Moss laden St. Helena Island, SC. There's too much to say about this place. palm trees, pine trees, dogs, horseshoe crabs, flip flops, history, evening's gentle breath, fresh food, lovely conversation, the internet while i look out on the ocean. Coming back here in May. :)
5) In my own guest apartment with Laurie and Mike in Merritt Island, FL. Played a dynamite show at a youth event on Saturday, and again at a church in Cocoa, FL on Sunday. I just love to perform, and afterwards, just love all the people. Whew! Thank God we all love to be together. Did a mural of 3 Bible stories in the Sunday School of the church in Cocoa (can you believe it's called "Cocoa"? There's also a river nearby called the Banana River. come on.) The Bible stories (so fun to think about how to depict them) were Daniel in the lions den (Dan. 6:22) The Good Samaritan (Luke 10:33) and Jesus walking on the water (Matt. 14:25). I will have pictures soon.
Went swimming in the glorious rough ocean after the first long day of painting. Today saw an alligator in a pond behind Walmart. Also a couple of manatees in the marina.
This weekend concerts in Houston and Austin, then back to Florida for a few more before heading north again.
Ok! Keep in touch! I love you!
Alex
And actually, tomorrow I'm flying to Houston which I don't expect to be icy cool.
One of my favorite things about tours (mine anyway - I don't bet U2's tours are like this) is that dates get picked up along the way. I love to see that the journey itself is alive and that it makes itself up as I go along.
Here is a list of the places I have stayed so far:
1) A huge mansion in Germantown, Philadelphia, PA, with Zach and Corrie and a bunch of other nice people. They served a gorgeous dinner of angel hair pasta with cod right when we arrived. Got to see Zach and Corrie perform too. They are awesome.
2) With Ashley in her apartment in DC. It was in flux and had things piled up to the ceiling. Played a wee little concert in DC and then sang a falsetto solo at a church in DC the following day. Went to the glorious national botanic gardens. Behold the orchids the Lord hath made!
3)With Jodi and Greg and their sons Ian and Jareth in Oakton, VA. We watched Dr. Who and made some enormous soap bubbles. Also played one of the most fun house concerts of my whole life. You know when the audience is just like a sports car and we can turn on a dime and go right where we need to?
4) With Nina in Spanish Moss laden St. Helena Island, SC. There's too much to say about this place. palm trees, pine trees, dogs, horseshoe crabs, flip flops, history, evening's gentle breath, fresh food, lovely conversation, the internet while i look out on the ocean. Coming back here in May. :)
5) In my own guest apartment with Laurie and Mike in Merritt Island, FL. Played a dynamite show at a youth event on Saturday, and again at a church in Cocoa, FL on Sunday. I just love to perform, and afterwards, just love all the people. Whew! Thank God we all love to be together. Did a mural of 3 Bible stories in the Sunday School of the church in Cocoa (can you believe it's called "Cocoa"? There's also a river nearby called the Banana River. come on.) The Bible stories (so fun to think about how to depict them) were Daniel in the lions den (Dan. 6:22) The Good Samaritan (Luke 10:33) and Jesus walking on the water (Matt. 14:25). I will have pictures soon.
Went swimming in the glorious rough ocean after the first long day of painting. Today saw an alligator in a pond behind Walmart. Also a couple of manatees in the marina.
This weekend concerts in Houston and Austin, then back to Florida for a few more before heading north again.
Ok! Keep in touch! I love you!
Alex
Friday, March 23, 2012
The Power of Being Watched
"Nearly everybody is looking for something brave to do. I don't know why people shouldn't write poetry. That's brave." -Robert Frost.
I have loved this quote from Robert Frost for many years. I know that feeling of looking for something brave to do, something I can do that will be good, even, glorious. I always felt that the point of Frost's comment was not so much about poetry as it is about having faith that our small, inner acts of goodness actually matter. We don’t all write poetry, but we do all have the power to influence the world for the better through our smallest actions and decisions.
We are almost always surrounded by people. Folks are always watching us. No one actually knows what to do and how to do it all the time. Everyone is wondering how to live, how to live better, how to be happier. And we all are watching the people around us for clues.
The idea that people are watching can be scary if we feel we are going to be judged, our weaknesses seen and noticed. In fact, maybe that's what most people would think of first when thinking of being watched. But, I've come to feel that being seen and watched gives us great power. If we think of being seen as an opportunity to communicate with others by our actions, we can do a lot of good. It's also a great way to get over fears about being seen!
One of the things people most long for is a way to be useful. Sometimes we search and search, feeling unfulfilled in the quest for how to actually be useful. But God has given us a way to be useful constantly. It is to be aware that every day, as we live our lives we have an audience. We have an audience of interested listeners, hearts who are looking for insight into the mystery of life.
The thing to do is to find the courage to really live our best ideas. In fact, at any given moment, what you have to offer the world is the best ideas you have encountered – your loves, your enthusiasm, your passions. When we do this, we are useful. As we live our loves, putting our best efforts into solving our own problems with virtue, courage, and faith, we are a model for others. As we solve our own problems, as we fight our own battles, striving to be good, we are serving those around us by being an example. And, as we do this, it becomes clear that the good things our lives are bringing out are not from us personally, but from God.
There is no time when this kind of service is not possible. I work as a chaplain in a jail in Boston. Sometimes I speak with men who are struggling with how to be feel useful while they are incarcerated. It is especially pressing when one of them is looking at an extended sentence. A question that each heart asks is, "How can I be worth anything if I am locked up?"
I have seen that question be answered beautifully as men in this position have taken to heart the fact that even in jail, they are surrounded by others watching, learning, hoping. One of the most inspiring sights I have seen was a young man of about 21 years, who had just received a 20 year sentence – After having spent a year or so deeply studying the Bible, and giving his life over to God, he intimated to me that he knew that his purpose was to teach and live the Word of God, right there in prison. He would not allow his God-given power to contribute be taken from him.
We all have this power, today. The world is in need of models. Models of courage, persistence, patience, and the whole spectrum of virtues. In fact, what is the world more desperately in need of than these? And yet, they are right there, in our hearts, ready for us to use them. Just like everything worth doing, it's not easy – but the payoff is enormous!
One may say, "I am not courageous! I don't feel persistent! I don't have patience!" But, the thing is, everyone else has that voice working in them too. Everyone else is suffering under the influence of those same fears, and doubts. Think of how much the rest of the world needs proof that courage exists. Think of how powerful it is to see someone actually be courageous. We have the power to give that gift to someone else. Maybe even a lot of people.
We all have the work of life ahead of us. That work is to do good, to be better and better, to love others and to love God. I have found it a great help to realized that as I fight my battles honestly, and with the whole array of virtues, to the very best of my ability, I am not only helping myself, I am helping others as well. The world needs each of us to write the courageous poem of our lives, for the sake of those around us.
I have loved this quote from Robert Frost for many years. I know that feeling of looking for something brave to do, something I can do that will be good, even, glorious. I always felt that the point of Frost's comment was not so much about poetry as it is about having faith that our small, inner acts of goodness actually matter. We don’t all write poetry, but we do all have the power to influence the world for the better through our smallest actions and decisions.
We are almost always surrounded by people. Folks are always watching us. No one actually knows what to do and how to do it all the time. Everyone is wondering how to live, how to live better, how to be happier. And we all are watching the people around us for clues.
The idea that people are watching can be scary if we feel we are going to be judged, our weaknesses seen and noticed. In fact, maybe that's what most people would think of first when thinking of being watched. But, I've come to feel that being seen and watched gives us great power. If we think of being seen as an opportunity to communicate with others by our actions, we can do a lot of good. It's also a great way to get over fears about being seen!
One of the things people most long for is a way to be useful. Sometimes we search and search, feeling unfulfilled in the quest for how to actually be useful. But God has given us a way to be useful constantly. It is to be aware that every day, as we live our lives we have an audience. We have an audience of interested listeners, hearts who are looking for insight into the mystery of life.
The thing to do is to find the courage to really live our best ideas. In fact, at any given moment, what you have to offer the world is the best ideas you have encountered – your loves, your enthusiasm, your passions. When we do this, we are useful. As we live our loves, putting our best efforts into solving our own problems with virtue, courage, and faith, we are a model for others. As we solve our own problems, as we fight our own battles, striving to be good, we are serving those around us by being an example. And, as we do this, it becomes clear that the good things our lives are bringing out are not from us personally, but from God.
There is no time when this kind of service is not possible. I work as a chaplain in a jail in Boston. Sometimes I speak with men who are struggling with how to be feel useful while they are incarcerated. It is especially pressing when one of them is looking at an extended sentence. A question that each heart asks is, "How can I be worth anything if I am locked up?"
I have seen that question be answered beautifully as men in this position have taken to heart the fact that even in jail, they are surrounded by others watching, learning, hoping. One of the most inspiring sights I have seen was a young man of about 21 years, who had just received a 20 year sentence – After having spent a year or so deeply studying the Bible, and giving his life over to God, he intimated to me that he knew that his purpose was to teach and live the Word of God, right there in prison. He would not allow his God-given power to contribute be taken from him.
We all have this power, today. The world is in need of models. Models of courage, persistence, patience, and the whole spectrum of virtues. In fact, what is the world more desperately in need of than these? And yet, they are right there, in our hearts, ready for us to use them. Just like everything worth doing, it's not easy – but the payoff is enormous!
One may say, "I am not courageous! I don't feel persistent! I don't have patience!" But, the thing is, everyone else has that voice working in them too. Everyone else is suffering under the influence of those same fears, and doubts. Think of how much the rest of the world needs proof that courage exists. Think of how powerful it is to see someone actually be courageous. We have the power to give that gift to someone else. Maybe even a lot of people.
We all have the work of life ahead of us. That work is to do good, to be better and better, to love others and to love God. I have found it a great help to realized that as I fight my battles honestly, and with the whole array of virtues, to the very best of my ability, I am not only helping myself, I am helping others as well. The world needs each of us to write the courageous poem of our lives, for the sake of those around us.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Asking
The Bible give us unequivocal promises that God will give us what we ask for - if we ask! "Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened to you." (Matt. 7:7 NIV) "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God… and it will be given to him." (James 1:5)
If that's all true then I really want to know - What is "asking"?! We have all had the experience of asking God for something and not receiving it.
Over and over again the Bible counsels us to not simply communicate with God with words, but with our whole hearts. Asking, it turns out, has very little to do with words – a request that we may present to God – and everything to do with our lives – what we all to grow in our hearts.
An interesting experiment is to ask ourselves, "If I could only communicate my desires to God with my life – no words, what would my life right now be asking for?" The answer to this question will give us a good sense of what we are currently asking God for. This is real "asking". A way to put it is that the language in which God hears is not so much words, as our lives. Our days, weeks and months, are the sentences we are speaking to God. What are they asking for? Are we asking God, Divine Love for things that She is likely to think are best for us?
In her chapter on prayer in Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy speaks at length about desire. Desire implies a longing for something we don't have. And, bringing God into the picture, desire also implies a petition to God to fulfill that desire. "Your Father knows what you need before you ask him." (Matt 6:8 NIV) There is no way to demonstrate our completeness without feeling a great longing to do so! Deep desire is absolutely necessary for healing, progress and the practice of Christianity. Eddy says, "In the quiet sanctuary of earnest longings, we must deny sin and plead God's allness…Such prayer is answered, in so far as we put our desires into practice." (S+H pg 15)
What are these longings? Where do they come from? The deep desires, the longing we feel in our hearts – we did not make up ourselves. Those desires are inklings toward God. When we pray we discover those desires in our hearts like gifts under the Christmas tree.
So in essence, there must be no disconnect between our "earnest longings" and our actions! A life lived this way, keeping our outward actions in harmony with our innermost longings, is constantly reaching out to God with the heart, wordlessly asking for the heart's desire. And the Bible promises us that these petitions of the heart and life, are supplied.
It is a great, challenging adventure to strive to have the outward life reflect the deep inner longings. Why? First of all because we must learn to be silent and humble in order to hear and truly feel how God is guiding us with our desires; secondly, as we listen more and more closely, we find that our inner longings are spiritual and very often bid us to leave well trodden, familiar paths. Instead, they call us to explore new territories and ideas, and to serve. Following the desires God has put in our hearts forces us to grow, learn, expand. It put us in situations where we must overcome fear, pride, and other vices. But there is no replacing the joy and satisfaction that comes from living a life that is guided by our deep, individual, God-given desires.
When I was about 10 years into my career as a muralist I began to feel that it was time for something new in my career. For all those years my heart at sung as I painted murals. To feel that it was no longer what I should be doing was surprising and a little disorienting. I began to pray. For a time I pondered entering the military to be work as a chaplain. But as months went on, I felt that was not the right idea. My great desire was to serve, to use my skills, my individuality and spiritual conviction. I longed to be engaged with others in a way I could feel deeply. This desire drove me to search and think and feel about my purpose for being alive.
Then, about a year after I began praying about it, I received an answer in prayer: "Dedicate the first 4 hours of every day to nothing but being creative." It was an interesting command, and one that was a little scary. I didn’t know where this would lead, or how it would progress things. Being a painter, I assumed God was moving me to make some new paintings. But, when I began this discipline of making time for creativity, being obedient, instead of paintings, what came out were songs.
In a few months I had created a whole new body of spiritual music, the likes of which I had never written before. In the following years, things opened up naturally. Very soon I was making my living full time as a musician, performing in churches, and making the most of countless opportunities to serve others in new ways and compelling ways. It was a great rebirth, all brought about by the natural asking of the heart's earnest longings. It was not a career change I sought out, but rather, one that I discovered, occurring in the heart.
During that time I saw that my days of work, listening, and exploring the way to make that transition were prayers. Just by living out my longing I was asking God for help. And it was being given step by step. For much of the time I didn’t know where it was going – only that this new work was compelling to me, and made my heart sing with gratitude and long to grow into it more fully.
In short, the "asking" that matters, is a function of the heart in which we humbly allow God to tell us what we most want, and then live in such a way as to see those desires be fulfilled. This kind of asking leaves no need for words.
If that's all true then I really want to know - What is "asking"?! We have all had the experience of asking God for something and not receiving it.
Over and over again the Bible counsels us to not simply communicate with God with words, but with our whole hearts. Asking, it turns out, has very little to do with words – a request that we may present to God – and everything to do with our lives – what we all to grow in our hearts.
An interesting experiment is to ask ourselves, "If I could only communicate my desires to God with my life – no words, what would my life right now be asking for?" The answer to this question will give us a good sense of what we are currently asking God for. This is real "asking". A way to put it is that the language in which God hears is not so much words, as our lives. Our days, weeks and months, are the sentences we are speaking to God. What are they asking for? Are we asking God, Divine Love for things that She is likely to think are best for us?
In her chapter on prayer in Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy speaks at length about desire. Desire implies a longing for something we don't have. And, bringing God into the picture, desire also implies a petition to God to fulfill that desire. "Your Father knows what you need before you ask him." (Matt 6:8 NIV) There is no way to demonstrate our completeness without feeling a great longing to do so! Deep desire is absolutely necessary for healing, progress and the practice of Christianity. Eddy says, "In the quiet sanctuary of earnest longings, we must deny sin and plead God's allness…Such prayer is answered, in so far as we put our desires into practice." (S+H pg 15)
What are these longings? Where do they come from? The deep desires, the longing we feel in our hearts – we did not make up ourselves. Those desires are inklings toward God. When we pray we discover those desires in our hearts like gifts under the Christmas tree.
So in essence, there must be no disconnect between our "earnest longings" and our actions! A life lived this way, keeping our outward actions in harmony with our innermost longings, is constantly reaching out to God with the heart, wordlessly asking for the heart's desire. And the Bible promises us that these petitions of the heart and life, are supplied.
It is a great, challenging adventure to strive to have the outward life reflect the deep inner longings. Why? First of all because we must learn to be silent and humble in order to hear and truly feel how God is guiding us with our desires; secondly, as we listen more and more closely, we find that our inner longings are spiritual and very often bid us to leave well trodden, familiar paths. Instead, they call us to explore new territories and ideas, and to serve. Following the desires God has put in our hearts forces us to grow, learn, expand. It put us in situations where we must overcome fear, pride, and other vices. But there is no replacing the joy and satisfaction that comes from living a life that is guided by our deep, individual, God-given desires.
When I was about 10 years into my career as a muralist I began to feel that it was time for something new in my career. For all those years my heart at sung as I painted murals. To feel that it was no longer what I should be doing was surprising and a little disorienting. I began to pray. For a time I pondered entering the military to be work as a chaplain. But as months went on, I felt that was not the right idea. My great desire was to serve, to use my skills, my individuality and spiritual conviction. I longed to be engaged with others in a way I could feel deeply. This desire drove me to search and think and feel about my purpose for being alive.
Then, about a year after I began praying about it, I received an answer in prayer: "Dedicate the first 4 hours of every day to nothing but being creative." It was an interesting command, and one that was a little scary. I didn’t know where this would lead, or how it would progress things. Being a painter, I assumed God was moving me to make some new paintings. But, when I began this discipline of making time for creativity, being obedient, instead of paintings, what came out were songs.
In a few months I had created a whole new body of spiritual music, the likes of which I had never written before. In the following years, things opened up naturally. Very soon I was making my living full time as a musician, performing in churches, and making the most of countless opportunities to serve others in new ways and compelling ways. It was a great rebirth, all brought about by the natural asking of the heart's earnest longings. It was not a career change I sought out, but rather, one that I discovered, occurring in the heart.
During that time I saw that my days of work, listening, and exploring the way to make that transition were prayers. Just by living out my longing I was asking God for help. And it was being given step by step. For much of the time I didn’t know where it was going – only that this new work was compelling to me, and made my heart sing with gratitude and long to grow into it more fully.
In short, the "asking" that matters, is a function of the heart in which we humbly allow God to tell us what we most want, and then live in such a way as to see those desires be fulfilled. This kind of asking leaves no need for words.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Art and Spirituality Interview - #3 "Community Art"
E: It sounds like the mural became the interface with the community.
A: It is an interface, and the way that spoke to me back then, and still does today is that in an image you're presenting an idea, and the ideas that I immediately wanted to present were ideas of beauty, purity, imagination, and spirit. Those four qualities were the most powerful things I could give. When I put images out there, I'm speaking with thousands of people I don't know...
E: Whether you're physically there or not...
A: Exactly. I'm not there most of the time, the mural is still there, it's been there thirteen years.
E: What is the picture of?
A: It was a tree of life. There's an angel flying over top of it, there's a city at the bottom. It was a very simple and lovely metaphor to me. It's like regular human life is there (symbolized by the city) and this tree is just dwarfing the city. This immense tree is obviously not a biological tree, it's a spiritual tree, because it's obviously far bigger than any tree really is. So immediately because it's not literally a real situation that you can see with your eyes - we know we're talking about something that is mental and not physical.
So it's represented in a way that causes us to let go of our material understanding of the world and say “Okay, something else is happening here.” The tree of life is a pretty central image, a common image, and it feels to me to put an image like that, that is pure and healthy, life affirming and beautiful, in a place that is normally dominated by commercial images, which really brings it out in even greater relief than if it was in a book or a gallery. You know, the context makes it that much more powerful.
E: Kind of like, unexpected?
A: Yes, exactly. You put an image out in the world, and what you're counting on is that the people who see it have something in their interior life that resembles that image.
E: What do you mean by interior life?
A: I mean their thought life, their feeling life. I think a lot of us have things in our lives we don't know how to put into words, we don't know how to put into language, and that's one of the ways in which artists do a service as much as a plumber or a carpenter where the artist does something that fulfills a need. We all have these interior spiritual lives. I see my role as making images that help us see that even though we sometimes can't put those interior lives into language, other people are having them too and we're together as a group.
Here's this image and it's talking about something spiritual, something deeply felt and you might see it and say “I have that feeling too, but have never been able to put it into words.” When that happens we feel, “What I doubted, I doubt less. I believe more in what I have felt because I see that someone else felt it too.” I think all of us need help in bolstering that confidence. We feel something inside of us and if we are the only people in the world that felt that we would go, “Oh my gosh, maybe that's wrong, maybe I didn't really feel it, maybe it's not that important.” That's why things like church, families, and organizations are so important – to build up our sense of idealism and foster confidence in our inner lives.
Art helps fill that role by taking images that speak about our untouched interior lives and make them relatable. It says, "Look, even though we all have our normal everyday jobs and lives, we're sharing deep experience - we all have this experience of really being alive. And art is talking about those things, that real feeling of real alive-ness. And maybe we don't know how to talk about it but look, there it is in a painting! And look, we're sharing it. That's at the heart of community.
A: It is an interface, and the way that spoke to me back then, and still does today is that in an image you're presenting an idea, and the ideas that I immediately wanted to present were ideas of beauty, purity, imagination, and spirit. Those four qualities were the most powerful things I could give. When I put images out there, I'm speaking with thousands of people I don't know...
E: Whether you're physically there or not...
A: Exactly. I'm not there most of the time, the mural is still there, it's been there thirteen years.
E: What is the picture of?
A: It was a tree of life. There's an angel flying over top of it, there's a city at the bottom. It was a very simple and lovely metaphor to me. It's like regular human life is there (symbolized by the city) and this tree is just dwarfing the city. This immense tree is obviously not a biological tree, it's a spiritual tree, because it's obviously far bigger than any tree really is. So immediately because it's not literally a real situation that you can see with your eyes - we know we're talking about something that is mental and not physical.
So it's represented in a way that causes us to let go of our material understanding of the world and say “Okay, something else is happening here.” The tree of life is a pretty central image, a common image, and it feels to me to put an image like that, that is pure and healthy, life affirming and beautiful, in a place that is normally dominated by commercial images, which really brings it out in even greater relief than if it was in a book or a gallery. You know, the context makes it that much more powerful.
E: Kind of like, unexpected?
A: Yes, exactly. You put an image out in the world, and what you're counting on is that the people who see it have something in their interior life that resembles that image.
E: What do you mean by interior life?
A: I mean their thought life, their feeling life. I think a lot of us have things in our lives we don't know how to put into words, we don't know how to put into language, and that's one of the ways in which artists do a service as much as a plumber or a carpenter where the artist does something that fulfills a need. We all have these interior spiritual lives. I see my role as making images that help us see that even though we sometimes can't put those interior lives into language, other people are having them too and we're together as a group.
Here's this image and it's talking about something spiritual, something deeply felt and you might see it and say “I have that feeling too, but have never been able to put it into words.” When that happens we feel, “What I doubted, I doubt less. I believe more in what I have felt because I see that someone else felt it too.” I think all of us need help in bolstering that confidence. We feel something inside of us and if we are the only people in the world that felt that we would go, “Oh my gosh, maybe that's wrong, maybe I didn't really feel it, maybe it's not that important.” That's why things like church, families, and organizations are so important – to build up our sense of idealism and foster confidence in our inner lives.
Art helps fill that role by taking images that speak about our untouched interior lives and make them relatable. It says, "Look, even though we all have our normal everyday jobs and lives, we're sharing deep experience - we all have this experience of really being alive. And art is talking about those things, that real feeling of real alive-ness. And maybe we don't know how to talk about it but look, there it is in a painting! And look, we're sharing it. That's at the heart of community.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Art and Spirituality Interview - #2 "How did you know you wanted to be an artist?"
E: How did you know you wanted to be an artist?
A: I had this trio of friends we went to high school together and we all ended up at the University of Massachusetts together and we all were artists. Beyond people who liked to draw, we all just had that feeling that art is important and it's real and it's stitched into our lives in a way that we're not going to get it out.
E: Like you couldn't separate your art life from the rest of your life.
A: Exactly, and that felt exactly right, you know? It felt comfortable to be identifying with that. I am a creator. I am someone who loves to make, someone who loves to observe, record, tell stories, things like that. And so the three of us really worked off each other. We all had our own things going in different directions, but I know we really took strength from having the other two around us whose presence said, “There are really other people in the world like this.” And at one point, Pasqualina (one of these friends) painted a mural. It just put something in my mind that that is something people can do. At the end of college I had to make a body of work to graduate. I had been thinking about what to do and it just sort of dawned on me, that the way to make work that you don't have to submit to this gallery culture, is to skip the gallery and put it in a place where everyone can see it. And I thought "Murals! It's brilliant!" As long as I can find someone who will allow me to paint on their wall, there is then nothing that can keep me from taking my best ideas and putting them in front of the whole world. That was incredible! That was an amazing new thought to have, and then when I did find a wall that was available to me, it was a beginning of an adventure that was the next twelve years of my life. That really felt like a new step because murals are very different in that they're public art. I didn't know this at the time but I began to learn very quickly that public art is very different than private art.
E: In what way?
A: Oh there's so much. Prior to my first mural, when I heard people talking about "community" events or "community" art, I had sort of a negative connotation with those words. I felt like “community” in that context meant it was going to be watered down, that it wasn't going to be as good as something that was made by someone working in their studio being real, making something wonderful. I had this notion that it meant it would be forced and a little superficial. That's the idea that I had. When I went to paint my mural, my first one, (It is in Northamption, MA) I went sort of imagining that I'm just in my studio, making another painting. I'm not thinking of the people around me or anything like that, I'm just making a good painting. But when that happened, when I first started, I became so terrified because I realized there were hundreds of people driving past me, watching me, every hour.
I thought, "What if I mess up?" Because I mess up in paintings all the time, you know, like I'm in my studio and I mess up on paintings constantly and you correct them and whatever. It's a completely different thing to make a 16 foot tall painting and your working in public. In a studio, you're working in private and you don't have to worry about anyone looking over your shoulder, correcting you, saying your idea is stupid, all these different things...whereas in public, you have no idea what people are going to say. Anyway, I was feeling really, really afraid about what people were going to say and I couldn't proceed. I was there at the wall and I could not physically proceed because I was too scared.
So I stood there at the wall and prayed. Inwardly I was like, "I know I'm supposed to be here and this feels exactly right but, how do I do it? The idea that came as I listened in my thought was, "This is your opportunity to give a gift." It was so simple, yet it floored me. That thought changed everything. Prior to that, I had thought this was about me expressing myself, but after that I realized this is not about "expressing myself" as such. Rather, this is about giving something that is going to make the community better. Someone who is walking home from work and they've had a rotten day will feel “Oh that's beautiful!” or the kids are walking by and they just have it in their head that there is a beautiful picture over there. This mural can silently influence people's lives just by being beautiful.
That was a complete change to the lens through which I was seeing this event. It stopped being about how I felt, and instead it was about sharing something good. Immediately I had a new feeling of, “Oh man I really want to give a good gift! I want so badly for this to work!”
I find that when I have power, when I have the ability to make a difference, I want so badly to use it well. Whereas when I don't feel like I have power to make a difference, I may be a whole lot less motivated. So, feeling the power to give a beautiful gift was very invigorating.
E: I see your hand pulling almost from your heart.
A: Yeah, it feels that way. Realizing it was a gift to the people of that neighborhood helped me feel more of the power that I have as an artist. I had the power to actually help peoples' hearts. That's when I began to feel a real love for that community, that neighborhood. The word “community” stopped being something that I was skeptical of and started being something that I believed in deeply. It was just about loving people.
E: It wasn't some ideal out in the clouds.
A: Right, and it didn’t mean (like I had thought it would mean) something watered down or insincere. But I knew that this mural isn't watered down at all. I was feeling, "I want this more than anything! I really believe that art can help people." Now, I have come to see that art can influence and even save lives and that's what my art is about. So that was the first step and then the next many years after that were about continuing to explore "How does this actually work? How do I actually influence lives with pictures and poetry and images?
A: I had this trio of friends we went to high school together and we all ended up at the University of Massachusetts together and we all were artists. Beyond people who liked to draw, we all just had that feeling that art is important and it's real and it's stitched into our lives in a way that we're not going to get it out.
E: Like you couldn't separate your art life from the rest of your life.
A: Exactly, and that felt exactly right, you know? It felt comfortable to be identifying with that. I am a creator. I am someone who loves to make, someone who loves to observe, record, tell stories, things like that. And so the three of us really worked off each other. We all had our own things going in different directions, but I know we really took strength from having the other two around us whose presence said, “There are really other people in the world like this.” And at one point, Pasqualina (one of these friends) painted a mural. It just put something in my mind that that is something people can do. At the end of college I had to make a body of work to graduate. I had been thinking about what to do and it just sort of dawned on me, that the way to make work that you don't have to submit to this gallery culture, is to skip the gallery and put it in a place where everyone can see it. And I thought "Murals! It's brilliant!" As long as I can find someone who will allow me to paint on their wall, there is then nothing that can keep me from taking my best ideas and putting them in front of the whole world. That was incredible! That was an amazing new thought to have, and then when I did find a wall that was available to me, it was a beginning of an adventure that was the next twelve years of my life. That really felt like a new step because murals are very different in that they're public art. I didn't know this at the time but I began to learn very quickly that public art is very different than private art.
E: In what way?
A: Oh there's so much. Prior to my first mural, when I heard people talking about "community" events or "community" art, I had sort of a negative connotation with those words. I felt like “community” in that context meant it was going to be watered down, that it wasn't going to be as good as something that was made by someone working in their studio being real, making something wonderful. I had this notion that it meant it would be forced and a little superficial. That's the idea that I had. When I went to paint my mural, my first one, (It is in Northamption, MA) I went sort of imagining that I'm just in my studio, making another painting. I'm not thinking of the people around me or anything like that, I'm just making a good painting. But when that happened, when I first started, I became so terrified because I realized there were hundreds of people driving past me, watching me, every hour.
I thought, "What if I mess up?" Because I mess up in paintings all the time, you know, like I'm in my studio and I mess up on paintings constantly and you correct them and whatever. It's a completely different thing to make a 16 foot tall painting and your working in public. In a studio, you're working in private and you don't have to worry about anyone looking over your shoulder, correcting you, saying your idea is stupid, all these different things...whereas in public, you have no idea what people are going to say. Anyway, I was feeling really, really afraid about what people were going to say and I couldn't proceed. I was there at the wall and I could not physically proceed because I was too scared.
So I stood there at the wall and prayed. Inwardly I was like, "I know I'm supposed to be here and this feels exactly right but, how do I do it? The idea that came as I listened in my thought was, "This is your opportunity to give a gift." It was so simple, yet it floored me. That thought changed everything. Prior to that, I had thought this was about me expressing myself, but after that I realized this is not about "expressing myself" as such. Rather, this is about giving something that is going to make the community better. Someone who is walking home from work and they've had a rotten day will feel “Oh that's beautiful!” or the kids are walking by and they just have it in their head that there is a beautiful picture over there. This mural can silently influence people's lives just by being beautiful.
That was a complete change to the lens through which I was seeing this event. It stopped being about how I felt, and instead it was about sharing something good. Immediately I had a new feeling of, “Oh man I really want to give a good gift! I want so badly for this to work!”
I find that when I have power, when I have the ability to make a difference, I want so badly to use it well. Whereas when I don't feel like I have power to make a difference, I may be a whole lot less motivated. So, feeling the power to give a beautiful gift was very invigorating.
E: I see your hand pulling almost from your heart.
A: Yeah, it feels that way. Realizing it was a gift to the people of that neighborhood helped me feel more of the power that I have as an artist. I had the power to actually help peoples' hearts. That's when I began to feel a real love for that community, that neighborhood. The word “community” stopped being something that I was skeptical of and started being something that I believed in deeply. It was just about loving people.
E: It wasn't some ideal out in the clouds.
A: Right, and it didn’t mean (like I had thought it would mean) something watered down or insincere. But I knew that this mural isn't watered down at all. I was feeling, "I want this more than anything! I really believe that art can help people." Now, I have come to see that art can influence and even save lives and that's what my art is about. So that was the first step and then the next many years after that were about continuing to explore "How does this actually work? How do I actually influence lives with pictures and poetry and images?
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Art and Spirituality Interview - #1 "Where does your art come from?"
Last year my friend Ellen Hammond interviewed me about my career, art, and spirituality. Over a series of 9 posts, I will be sharing the interview here. It contains a lot of ideas and explanations that are central to my approach to art, expression, and life in general.
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Ellen: Where does your art come from?
Alex: Where it all comes from is something that I have learned over the years. When I was beginning, maybe in my early twenties, my art and my music felt like they came from different places. I would generally make art about what seemed like fantasy and visionary sorts of themes, whereas music was about my feelings and emotions and relationships - they seemed very, very different. And then over the years as I explored them both pretty equally, as they both became more spiritualized, as I dug deeper and deeper because I loved them so much, they became closer, and closer, until it was clear that their source was not different. At some point, it dawned on me that all the ideas that I'm having and loving are coming from a source that is not me, because I'm not making up a thought. It's more like I'm receiving a thought. Even if I'm the first person ever in the world to think it, it's not that I made it up. Rather, I innocently received it. Things became much simpler when I realized that they weren't separated, the music, the art, the poetry, whatever - making jokes in a conversation – I began to see that it is all coming from the same good place. And it works best when I'm not afraid, when I'm not concerned about how I appear to others, when I'm just working, just listening. And that felt really profound to see that all my favorite ideas came from the same place. At that point I started to feel like making a song is effectively the same thing as making a painting except I'm using a different way to express an idea. Outwardly they're different but at the point I see that I'm just dealing with ideas, it's all sort of the same.
E: Can you pinpoint why you were initially drawn to making pictures?
A: Well I had never painted a mural until I was 23 years old and I was making stuff years before that. As a kid I was drawing. I started to feel like something really wonderful was happening around the age of 17. I remember walking around my little suburban hometown late at night. I started going on walks and it just seemed like the whole world was beautiful. You know, the street lights coming through the leaves in the summer. That's one of the first images in the world that I noticed was beautiful - electric street lights illuminating these green leaves in the summer night. And to my little 17 year old high school heart, I was like “Wow that was beautiful!” and so I started making drawings of it, and of myself walking underneath them. It was really an exploration of “Who am I?” I liked depicting my own life and thinking about my own life, and making a record of it in drawings and paintings, marker sketches and such. I had just started playing guitar a few years before that. The exciting thing was to explore what my life is about – "Who am I?" and "What are these feelings that I'm having?" And so that was sort of the beginning of the path. Art was very important to me long before I ever made a mural.
Then, years later, when I started making murals it was for no better reason than that I didn’t like the idea of pleading with a gallery to show my work.
E: Like for the process of being approved or rejected? Like trying to conform to what you think that gallery is looking for?
A: Exactly.
To me, this creation, this creativity is the purest thing I know of in my life. At that point, there is nothing I love more than that. I thought there's got to be a way for me to do this and have it remain completely pure and not immediately submit to this thing to commerce and what felt like impurity. I knew nothing - nothing about galleries or anything like that, but it certainly has a reputation of being not the most supportive community in the world. It's obviously a really broad community and there are good experiences and bad experiences. My thought at that time was, if you put your stuff in a gallery you may get a show, and you may get a smattering of people who come and see your work, but how many people actually go to a gallery on any given day? How many people actually go to a museum? It's not really that many!
+ + + + + + + +
Ellen: Where does your art come from?
Alex: Where it all comes from is something that I have learned over the years. When I was beginning, maybe in my early twenties, my art and my music felt like they came from different places. I would generally make art about what seemed like fantasy and visionary sorts of themes, whereas music was about my feelings and emotions and relationships - they seemed very, very different. And then over the years as I explored them both pretty equally, as they both became more spiritualized, as I dug deeper and deeper because I loved them so much, they became closer, and closer, until it was clear that their source was not different. At some point, it dawned on me that all the ideas that I'm having and loving are coming from a source that is not me, because I'm not making up a thought. It's more like I'm receiving a thought. Even if I'm the first person ever in the world to think it, it's not that I made it up. Rather, I innocently received it. Things became much simpler when I realized that they weren't separated, the music, the art, the poetry, whatever - making jokes in a conversation – I began to see that it is all coming from the same good place. And it works best when I'm not afraid, when I'm not concerned about how I appear to others, when I'm just working, just listening. And that felt really profound to see that all my favorite ideas came from the same place. At that point I started to feel like making a song is effectively the same thing as making a painting except I'm using a different way to express an idea. Outwardly they're different but at the point I see that I'm just dealing with ideas, it's all sort of the same.
E: Can you pinpoint why you were initially drawn to making pictures?
A: Well I had never painted a mural until I was 23 years old and I was making stuff years before that. As a kid I was drawing. I started to feel like something really wonderful was happening around the age of 17. I remember walking around my little suburban hometown late at night. I started going on walks and it just seemed like the whole world was beautiful. You know, the street lights coming through the leaves in the summer. That's one of the first images in the world that I noticed was beautiful - electric street lights illuminating these green leaves in the summer night. And to my little 17 year old high school heart, I was like “Wow that was beautiful!” and so I started making drawings of it, and of myself walking underneath them. It was really an exploration of “Who am I?” I liked depicting my own life and thinking about my own life, and making a record of it in drawings and paintings, marker sketches and such. I had just started playing guitar a few years before that. The exciting thing was to explore what my life is about – "Who am I?" and "What are these feelings that I'm having?" And so that was sort of the beginning of the path. Art was very important to me long before I ever made a mural.
Then, years later, when I started making murals it was for no better reason than that I didn’t like the idea of pleading with a gallery to show my work.
E: Like for the process of being approved or rejected? Like trying to conform to what you think that gallery is looking for?
A: Exactly.
To me, this creation, this creativity is the purest thing I know of in my life. At that point, there is nothing I love more than that. I thought there's got to be a way for me to do this and have it remain completely pure and not immediately submit to this thing to commerce and what felt like impurity. I knew nothing - nothing about galleries or anything like that, but it certainly has a reputation of being not the most supportive community in the world. It's obviously a really broad community and there are good experiences and bad experiences. My thought at that time was, if you put your stuff in a gallery you may get a show, and you may get a smattering of people who come and see your work, but how many people actually go to a gallery on any given day? How many people actually go to a museum? It's not really that many!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Humility
What is humility?
Humility is asserting no personal will, and submitting to the designs of Truth, God.
According to Mary Baker Eddy, "Your mirrored reflection is your own image or likeness. If you lift a weight, your reflection does this also. If you speak, the lips of this likeness move in accord with yours. Now compare man before the mirror to his divine Principle, God. Call the mirror divine Science, and call man the reflection."
What can this metaphor of reflection tell us about humility?
If the original, God, standing before the mirror, declares something powerful and unequivocal like, "I AM THAT I AM" (Ex. 3:14), or " Heaven and earth shall pass away: but my words shall not pass away," (Luke 21:33) the image in the mirror is incapable of doing anything else but what the original has done.
God has declared these things. If the original acts with immense power, grace, and self-assurance, the reflection cannot but do the same.
This is humility. God is marvelous, masterful, glorious, unselfish, unhindered. The only thing God lacks is problems. God is successful, fearless, loving, good, moral.
Humility sets aside every human opinion, sense, and accepts without comment, the actions of the original, God.
We are humble because we are so proud of God. And this humility lets us see how incredible, glorious, worthy, and valuable we are.
In the beautiful words of John the Baptist, "He must increase, but I must decrease."
Humility is asserting no personal will, and submitting to the designs of Truth, God.
According to Mary Baker Eddy, "Your mirrored reflection is your own image or likeness. If you lift a weight, your reflection does this also. If you speak, the lips of this likeness move in accord with yours. Now compare man before the mirror to his divine Principle, God. Call the mirror divine Science, and call man the reflection."
What can this metaphor of reflection tell us about humility?
If the original, God, standing before the mirror, declares something powerful and unequivocal like, "I AM THAT I AM" (Ex. 3:14), or " Heaven and earth shall pass away: but my words shall not pass away," (Luke 21:33) the image in the mirror is incapable of doing anything else but what the original has done.
God has declared these things. If the original acts with immense power, grace, and self-assurance, the reflection cannot but do the same.
This is humility. God is marvelous, masterful, glorious, unselfish, unhindered. The only thing God lacks is problems. God is successful, fearless, loving, good, moral.
Humility sets aside every human opinion, sense, and accepts without comment, the actions of the original, God.
We are humble because we are so proud of God. And this humility lets us see how incredible, glorious, worthy, and valuable we are.
In the beautiful words of John the Baptist, "He must increase, but I must decrease."
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