the other day i was feeling weighed down by something. i have forgotten what it was. i was slogging through the evening, feeling oppressed by some trouble or other.
i remember coming to the top of the stairs to my apartment and feeling like i was at the end of my rope. and it was JUST THEN that i realized, i could resist.
it was a great feeling. to realize that right at the moment when it feels like you just can't go on, you can. and in fact, that was the moment that freed me from whatever it was. when i realized i could fight back, even when (or especially when) i felt the most oppressed, THEN i knew i was free.
why? because it was clear that it wasnt me doing it. fighting back wasnt mustering all this strength and pushing laboriously against some scary thing. rather, it was letting go! it was realizing that it is not my job to hold up my life, the world, but rather, it is God's job, and he is doing it!
actually, the first thing i did when i got inside (literally seconds later) was run to my studio and write a really fun song about pushing on through difficulty. whatever the worry was that i had been having, was gone, and in fact, when i let go of the misery, i was given an insight, and a song in its place!
press on friends!
His goodness stands approved,
Unchanged from day to day:
I drop my burden at His feet,
And bear a song away.
from hymn 124 from the Christian Science Hymnal